Finding it hard to reach an orgasm with a partner, especially in the context of intercourse (thus, with a penetrative partner), is very frequent among vulva-owners. We asked a sexologist her advice on this often asked question
Partner sex is a moment of communion, where desire, emotions and, in some cases feelings, are shared. But unfortunately, pleasure isn’t always shared.
Pleasure During Partner Sex vs Solo Sex
While many of us do not have difficulty reaching orgasm when we are masturbating, orgasms seem harder to come by during partner sex. Not everyone dares to talk about it, and that's where the discomfort sometimes settles: some end up simulating, out of concern for our partner’s ego. What triggers this is the belief that orgasming during partner sex should be easy and frequent, even though reality is quite different. When alone, orgasm might be easier to reach because there is less pressure to do so, and because women who masturbate know their body well.
Shared Pleasure Is Possible
As common as it is for vulva-owners to find it harder to orgasm with a partner than alone, it doesn't mean you have to settle for an unsatisfying sex life with your partner. If you feel this is something you can relate to, here are a few tips to change things around. To improve your sexual experience with your partner, you just have to start by reflecting on the following:
How Well Do I Know My Body?
Knowing your body well is a real gateway to pleasure. Explore your body on your own, with no pressure to reach an orgasm, simply being curious.
Many of us are familiar with the external areas of the clitoris. Nevertheless, it can’t hurt to repeat how important the clitoris is to female pleasure. Its glands is accessible externally and is highly sensitive to touch. The inner and outer labia of the vulva are also very sensitive. It is worth exploring how and where you like to be touched on the vulva.
Moving on to the vagina, fewer are familiar with the internal areas that can give us pleasure, and which would therefore be likely to react to penetration. The inner structure of the clitoris wraps around the vagina like a wishbone, and can therefore, for some, be stimulated internally For this, there’s nothing like exploring with your fingers or a sex toy, focusing in particular on the upper inner wall of the vagina, towards the belly. The goal is to test the stimulations that please you – friction, pressure, … – the rhythm – slow, fast, alternating, … – and other sensitive zones – the entrance to the vagina or a little deeper.